hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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