He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
