I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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