My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
