Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
