So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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