If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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