I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
