The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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