i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
