I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
