Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
