So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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