3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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