You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
