I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
