Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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