shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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