I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
