sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize