we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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