So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
