ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
