we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
