He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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