...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
