summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
