The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
