i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
