oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize