If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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