I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
