i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
