I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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