Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
