JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
