well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
