i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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