So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
