I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
