piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
