I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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