my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM VODKA MAN
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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