when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
