I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
