Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
