I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
