Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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