There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
