Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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