Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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