Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
