We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
