I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
