I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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