wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
