she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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