we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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