who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Cover your peen. We're going out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
