So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The power of my boobs compel you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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