i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
