She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
